Being married!

Isnt bad at all,well so far anyway! 🙂 Its been only 3 months and i am happy to say not much has changed for me and the good news is I dont feel married.

 

Mixed feelings

Two days to my wedding,I am happy and yet sad,more in disbelief.The last week has been a rough one,i guess leading up to any wedding it is and i was expecting a lot of madness and things going wrong.Mom hasnt been herself,she did have fever but i think its also to do with all the people(guests) in the house and at some level i think she knows my brother is here.Because some of the things she is saying these days relating to him havent been said for some time now.I also take it as a positive,i feel she is talking a lot more for the last few days.

The rains in Karachi havent helped,things delayed,shops closed,plus my sherwani which i finally got and that too after it being faulty,so much for Deepak Perwani.Other then the delay its turned out good so paisa wasool.

I was on my way to pick someone up from the airport when i got the call,a friend and someone i do business with was on the flight that crashed today in Islamabad.I wasnt the best of friends with him,but i liked him.He was a a very good person as  far as i knew him and was perfect when it came to doing business with.

what not to say

I need to learn that i cant say or need to filter what i say in front of people,because mostly i say things which can and have been taken out of context.Small things said which i dont even feel at the time that they can be twisted to make it look like something else.But knowing me it will keeping happening as i have no filter and i have never cared much for what people think of me.

Another thing that i should not say when asked the question but i am tempted to and will decide that very second given how i am feeling and the mood is,the answer being nahi to when the Maulvi asks me Qbool hai? Chances are slim but i am crazy 🙂

15 days to go to the wedding,its all been happening quickly and the pace has picked up,I am also sure that the madness in the house will too over the next week and my get away plan from all this for a few days doesnt look like happening so i am stuck in the pagal khana with more inmates coming into the mental asylum in a week.

Lord help me!!

?

Things are well,most things working for you and yet not at ease,thats how i feel and have been for the last two days.Ever happen to you?

Strange dreams and someone

For the last few weeks i have been having really strange dreams,not sure what to make of them, if anything.I never seem to remember them clearly,rarely do i remember what exactly happened in one.Todays too i dont remember what it was about,but woke and glimpses were in my head.

One person i saw in my dream last night,and she looked so good.I drive past her house almost every week and i wonder what she is doing these days,if she is happy,if she remembers me? I know she does,i hear at times that she had been asking about me and i always feel bad,because i too think of her at times,specially when i cross her house always tempted to stop and ring the bell but i cant.

I have never cared for many people in my life,even now the list is very small and i try not to show that side of myself to people,i have always been the rude,spoiled brat and i prefer people thinking of me like that.They dont expect much of me nor do they want to come close.

She was different she knew exactly what i was like,when others gave up on me she pushed me forward,always telling me to chase my dreams and that she knew i could do what i wanted.I always needed a push,i still do and i have plenty of  insecurities and she had a finger on each making sure that they didnt get the better of me,she knew me better then anyone at that time.

She was for many years someone very important in my life and i always have felt bad that i just left and never went back or kept in touch,i tend to do that,call it moving on or not caring and being cold i dont know.Its just what i am like,its very easy for me to be without someone i love or care about,not talking to them or making the effort to,yet loving them and caring all the same.Its the Murad blood in me 🙂

I feel 10 years or more has been enough time and i should ring that bell next time i pass her house.

One of those days!

Am feeling crappy and down,have been all day even though i went out and tried to have a good laugh with the boys but left early as i just couldnt but just cant shake it off.There isnt much going on bar a few things and i dont think that its them thats getting to me.I dont know if its the nerves or i am just being me,all moody and grumpy.Well a few hours more and then ill just just sleep it off i guess.