Monkey business

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Posts Tagged ‘love’

Strange dreams and someone

Posted by Alta on June 8, 2010

For the last few weeks i have been having really strange dreams,not sure what to make of them, if anything.I never seem to remember them clearly,rarely do i remember what exactly happened in one.Todays too i dont remember what it was about,but woke and glimpses were in my head.

One person i saw in my dream last night,and she looked so good.I drive past her house almost every week and i wonder what she is doing these days,if she is happy,if she remembers me? I know she does,i hear at times that she had been asking about me and i always feel bad,because i too think of her at times,specially when i cross her house always tempted to stop and ring the bell but i cant.

I have never cared for many people in my life,even now the list is very small and i try not to show that side of myself to people,i have always been the rude,spoiled brat and i prefer people thinking of me like that.They dont expect much of me nor do they want to come close.

She was different she knew exactly what i was like,when others gave up on me she pushed me forward,always telling me to chase my dreams and that she knew i could do what i wanted.I always needed a push,i still do and i have plenty ofย  insecurities and she had a finger on each making sure that they didnt get the better of me,she knew me better then anyone at that time.

She was for many years someone very important in my life and i always have felt bad that i just left and never went back or kept in touch,i tend to do that,call it moving on or not caring and being cold i dont know.Its just what i am like,its very easy for me to be without someone i love or care about,not talking to them or making the effort to,yet loving them and caring all the same.Its the Murad blood in me ๐Ÿ™‚

I feel 10 years or more has been enough time and i should ring that bell next time i pass her house.

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All in one post

Posted by Alta on April 25, 2010

I want to break this post down into a few parts as a lot has happened in the past week,part A about my cousin part B about my favourite aunt,part C about mom and dad,and part D about me.

Part A:I got to see my favourite cousin a few days back,after 13 long years where a lot has changed and we havent kept in touch as such.There is something in our blood though,we might not talk regularly and even after so many years we meet as if it was only yesterday that we were together.I grew up with him,well almost.He left the country when i was aboutย  14 and he was 17 or 18 years old,for all those years that we were together and amount of time which we spent together,the summer holidays which meant 60 days together,the weekends and every holiday that was,was spent together with him.

The past few days have been spent down in memory lane,going through what all we did and laughing about things,and yet there is this sadness in all of it,whenever it comes to my aunt (his mom,and my fav aunt) or memories and thought of their old house,i know i am sad and can tell he is too.I do wish to and one day will buy that old apartment,i am sure that one day i will have saved up enough to go to whoever owns it and say this is my aunts house,the house with all the memories and i want it all back.

My aunt is ill,has been for the last 10 years or so,she had brain tumour and due to that these she is a shell of her self,doesnt speak much,cant eat,and cant walk.similar to what mom is like more or less though with mom its worse.She was so good to me,even with all her slipper throwing at me,and calling me names,(mostly calling me for breakfast or lunch)she was very very good to me.

We would be playing monopoly in the morning,and this game would be a continuation of the game from last night,she would call us for breakfast and no one would listen and out of no where there would be two slippers one at a time like homing missiles would land right on the board ๐Ÿ™‚

I dont talk to her,though she cant talk much even the little conversation that i can have or just to let her know that i love her and think of her almost every day of my life,that i cry for her and pray for her but i cant and i wont.I want to remember her as she was,the loud loving woman that was my aunt and not who she is now,at times i wish i could do the same with my mom and just remember the old her,her.

Mom and dad had their 38th wedding anniversary this week,38 years of being together,38 years of love,love thats as strong today that it ever could have been or can be between two people,if i can have a relationship with my wife that they had between them i think i couldnt ask for more.One think i do not want to have is the regrets that i see in dad,i do not want to be 60 something and thinking about what could have been or how i would have done things differently,i wish i dont.

Back to the monkey me,life is good for me,however much i thank God for the life i have might not be enough,yes i have complaints but then i am human and thats my excuse ๐Ÿ™‚ Work is good,one more month of the morning job and then i am free for 2 months.Will be starting a new small business next month,hopefully early next month.

Drove the evo today,200kms an hour ๐Ÿ˜€ Yes i know but hey it was Sunday no traffic as such and it was prob for 30 secs or so at best that i was at 200kms or more (even drifted a little)

I think i have gone on a lot and should stop typing now Eid Mubarak to everyone! ๐Ÿ˜›

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Only if dreams were true

Posted by Alta on January 2, 2010

I was by her side,almost a sleep.I dozed off for a while as i do on most days,i always would fall a sleep if i was laying down next to her as we talked,that hasnt changed i still do,just the conversation isnt what it used to be,not sure if it can even be called a conversation now.

Something was different though last night,we talked we had a conversation but then i woke up,it was just a dream.Seemed so real though,wish i had more of them and remembered them,I also wish that one could pick a dream and it would become reality.

The reality is it wont,it will remain a dream,i will not remember the dreams nor will i remember her,i keep grasping at air it seems,trying to remember what she was like,who she was but i cant and i know a time will come when her memory wont even be that.

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My first love!

Posted by Alta on October 14, 2009

I love every small thing there is,though not perfect it is what it is.For all the faults that are there,we are to blame,all of us.We have failed but its not the end ofย  it,its just the beginning.

I have this simple almost childish trust and believe in this country and its people,that we will rise out of all our problems however long or hard the road is,we will survive and we will as a nation become what we were supposed to be,become and realize the dream that Iqbal had for us.

That we will live up to the name and not let the sacrifice of so many before 1947 and every man woman and child who has lost his life defending this country either in a war or in some other attack.That we will be able to look them in the eye then shy away when we see them.

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About a girl

Posted by Alta on August 24, 2009

I dont remember when i met her for the first time,or how old i was either and i am certain she doesnt know for sure either.I met her again 3 years ago,a brief meeting,after many years of no interaction,having lived in different countries,wanting different things and having different dreams.

As i sat there talking to her,there was this ease,as if we had known each other,that we had met before,indeed we had but there had been a gap of 8 or 9 years but that some how didnt matter.I have always told her that,with her there never was any pretending,i have never felt more at ease with her then with anyone else,even more so now.

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Protected: sab khatam ho gaya….

Posted by Alta on August 24, 2009

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