Monkey business

Sab pagal hain,aur mai sab se bara nahi hoon!

Mixed feelings

Posted by Alta on July 28, 2010

Two days to my wedding,I am happy and yet sad,more in disbelief.The last week has been a rough one,i guess leading up to any wedding it is and i was expecting a lot of madness and things going wrong.Mom hasnt been herself,she did have fever but i think its also to do with all the people(guests) in the house and at some level i think she knows my brother is here.Because some of the things she is saying these days relating to him havent been said for some time now.I also take it as a positive,i feel she is talking a lot more for the last few days.

The rains in Karachi havent helped,things delayed,shops closed,plus my sherwani which i finally got and that too after it being faulty,so much for Deepak Perwani.Other then the delay its turned out good so paisa wasool.

I was on my way to pick someone up from the airport when i got the call,a friend and someone i do business with was on the flight that crashed today in Islamabad.I wasnt the best of friends with him,but i liked him.He was a a very good person as  far as i knew him and was perfect when it came to doing business with.

Even hours later right now i cant imagine that he isnt with us anymore,i cant help but wonder what he must have gone through those last few mins or secs,what would have been on his mind? His wife of two years? his mother? i dont know.I also know i will prob never know,but the brain keeps going back to it,the fact that a friend died today in a plane crash and his body hasnt been found yet and i went about my business for the day.Yes i was sad,i felt more emotions then i have ever yet here i am,Maybe its the cold blood in me,or maybe that i just wasnt that close to him,i dont know but i feel guilty.

I feel guilty that i am looking forward to my wedding,that if i have to make the choice of attending his funeral or being at my wedding,ill be at my wedding.I feel guilty because one of the thoughts that came to my mind after the initial shock was what about my investments that i had with him.I dont know what to think,but i am going through a lot of emotions and mixed feelings as everyone in my house is happy and celebrates,i sit here typing this having an empty feeling inside of me.

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2 Responses to “Mixed feelings”

  1. I’m guessing you’re married by now – congratulations 🙂

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