Monkey business

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Archive for June, 2010

All laughed out?

Posted by Alta on June 24, 2010

I think so,i dont remember the last time i heard her laugh.Its close to a year,she just doesnt know how to now.A year ago she would laugh at times when she was calm,if you joked with her she would get it,or say something funny herself and laugh but thats gone now.I have been noticing for a while now but i thought maybe its just a phase,i feel otherwise now.You cant blame her though can you,what does she have to be happy about.

The son she loved most isnt with her today when she needs him most,to know he is there and he loves her,to know all her kids are with her,everything that they are today is because of everything she did for them,they are great full and in debt to her,that they love her and whatever they do they will never be able to repay for her love and for all that she is done for them.

Just one wish tonight though,just one prayer,if i could just hear my moms laughter one last time.


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Posted by Alta on June 23, 2010

Things are well,most things working for you and yet not at ease,thats how i feel and have been for the last two days.Ever happen to you?

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Strange dreams and someone

Posted by Alta on June 8, 2010

For the last few weeks i have been having really strange dreams,not sure what to make of them, if anything.I never seem to remember them clearly,rarely do i remember what exactly happened in one.Todays too i dont remember what it was about,but woke and glimpses were in my head.

One person i saw in my dream last night,and she looked so good.I drive past her house almost every week and i wonder what she is doing these days,if she is happy,if she remembers me? I know she does,i hear at times that she had been asking about me and i always feel bad,because i too think of her at times,specially when i cross her house always tempted to stop and ring the bell but i cant.

I have never cared for many people in my life,even now the list is very small and i try not to show that side of myself to people,i have always been the rude,spoiled brat and i prefer people thinking of me like that.They dont expect much of me nor do they want to come close.

She was different she knew exactly what i was like,when others gave up on me she pushed me forward,always telling me to chase my dreams and that she knew i could do what i wanted.I always needed a push,i still do and i have plenty of  insecurities and she had a finger on each making sure that they didnt get the better of me,she knew me better then anyone at that time.

She was for many years someone very important in my life and i always have felt bad that i just left and never went back or kept in touch,i tend to do that,call it moving on or not caring and being cold i dont know.Its just what i am like,its very easy for me to be without someone i love or care about,not talking to them or making the effort to,yet loving them and caring all the same.Its the Murad blood in me 🙂

I feel 10 years or more has been enough time and i should ring that bell next time i pass her house.

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One of those days!

Posted by Alta on June 4, 2010

Am feeling crappy and down,have been all day even though i went out and tried to have a good laugh with the boys but left early as i just couldnt but just cant shake it off.There isnt much going on bar a few things and i dont think that its them thats getting to me.I dont know if its the nerves or i am just being me,all moody and grumpy.Well a few hours more and then ill just just sleep it off i guess.

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