Monkey business

Being married!

Alta — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 10:09:30 +0000

Isnt bad at all,well so far anyway! Its been only 3 months and i am happy to say not much has changed for me and the good news is I dont feel married.

Aisam Qureshi ko over du!!

Alta — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 23:51:58 +0000

Well done son!! The lad is at it again,this time at the US open and is in the semis of both mixed and the doubles.Wish you all the luck to go all the way!!

http://www.dawn.com/wps/wcm/connect/dawn-content-library/dawn/news/sport/07-double-doubles-joy-for-aisam-qureshi-at-us-open-ha-03

Mixed feelings

Alta — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 19:34:19 +0000

Two days to my wedding,I am happy and yet sad,more in disbelief.The last week has been a rough one,i guess leading up to any wedding it is and i was expecting a lot of madness and things going wrong.Mom hasnt been herself,she did have fever but i think its also to do with all the people(guests) in the house and at some level i think she knows my brother is here.Because some of the things she is saying these days relating to him havent been said for some time now.I also take it as a positive,i feel she is talking a lot more for the last few days.

The rains in Karachi havent helped,things delayed,shops closed,plus my sherwani which i finally got and that too after it being faulty,so much for Deepak Perwani.Other then the delay its turned out good so paisa wasool.

I was on my way to pick someone up from the airport when i got the call,a friend and someone i do business with was on the flight that crashed today in Islamabad.I wasnt the best of friends with him,but i liked him.He was a a very good person as far as i knew him and was perfect when it came to doing business with.

Even hours later right now i cant imagine that he isnt with us anymore,i cant help but wonder what he must have gone through those last few mins or secs,what would have been on his mind? His wife of two years? his mother? i dont know.I also know i will prob never know,but the brain keeps going back to it,the fact that a friend died today in a plane crash and his body hasnt been found yet and i went about my business for the day.Yes i was sad,i felt more emotions then i have ever yet here i am,Maybe its the cold blood in me,or maybe that i just wasnt that close to him,i dont know but i feel guilty.

I feel guilty that i am looking forward to my wedding,that if i have to make the choice of attending his funeral or being at my wedding,ill be at my wedding.I feel guilty because one of the thoughts that came to my mind after the initial shock was what about my investments that i had with him.I dont know what to think,but i am going through a lot of emotions and mixed feelings as everyone in my house is happy and celebrates,i sit here typing this having an empty feeling inside of me.

How to react?

Alta — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 20:50:23 +0000

With 12 days to the wedding,and every day that passes it seems there is no time left,though to be fair thanks to my sister there isnt much left to do either.(and i was rude to her today when it wasnt really her fault and my issues at work and be worked up,though i did apologise whiten 2 mins but i must control myself given all that she is doing and has done for me) But as the days go by,and with the girl here now (which was so strange to see her,and yet so nice!) thats really when it hit me that there isnt really any time left.

A friend asked me today there is only so many days to go arent you scared? The honest answer is i dont know,not scared but yes at times i am like oh fuck! I dont think it will ever get to being scared or anything close to it but i am sure the mood will be up and down over the next week or two and more times where i think of fuck!

Also having to play nice and behave with everyone is a really hard thing to do,i cant wait for the wedding to be over,many reasons for that and one is that ill be allowed to be the old me again (and the people get a reason to blame the girl,she must have told him,he was never like this before!!)

Alta tamed (or getting there)

what not to say

Alta — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 20:16:11 +0000

I need to learn that i cant say or need to filter what i say in front of people,because mostly i say things which can and have been taken out of context.Small things said which i dont even feel at the time that they can be twisted to make it look like something else.But knowing me it will keeping happening as i have no filter and i have never cared much for what people think of me.

Another thing that i should not say when asked the question but i am tempted to and will decide that very second given how i am feeling and the mood is,the answer being nahi to when the Maulvi asks me Qbool hai? Chances are slim but i am crazy

15 days to go to the wedding,its all been happening quickly and the pace has picked up,I am also sure that the madness in the house will too over the next week and my get away plan from all this for a few days doesnt look like happening so i am stuck in the pagal khana with more inmates coming into the mental asylum in a week.

Lord help me!!

All laughed out?

Alta — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 22:54:03 +0000

I think so,i dont remember the last time i heard her laugh.Its close to a year,she just doesnt know how to now.A year ago she would laugh at times when she was calm,if you joked with her she would get it,or say something funny herself and laugh but thats gone now.I have been noticing for a while now but i thought maybe its just a phase,i feel otherwise now.You cant blame her though can you,what does she have to be happy about.

The son she loved most isnt with her today when she needs him most,to know he is there and he loves her,to know all her kids are with her,everything that they are today is because of everything she did for them,they are great full and in debt to her,that they love her and whatever they do they will never be able to repay for her love and for all that she is done for them.

Just one wish tonight though,just one prayer,if i could just hear my moms laughter one last time.

?

Alta — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 18:24:45 +0000

Things are well,most things working for you and yet not at ease,thats how i feel and have been for the last two days.Ever happen to you?

Strange dreams and someone

Alta — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 15:00:41 +0000

For the last few weeks i have been having really strange dreams,not sure what to make of them, if anything.I never seem to remember them clearly,rarely do i remember what exactly happened in one.Todays too i dont remember what it was about,but woke and glimpses were in my head.

One person i saw in my dream last night,and she looked so good.I drive past her house almost every week and i wonder what she is doing these days,if she is happy,if she remembers me? I know she does,i hear at times that she had been asking about me and i always feel bad,because i too think of her at times,specially when i cross her house always tempted to stop and ring the bell but i cant.

I have never cared for many people in my life,even now the list is very small and i try not to show that side of myself to people,i have always been the rude,spoiled brat and i prefer people thinking of me like that.They dont expect much of me nor do they want to come close.

She was different she knew exactly what i was like,when others gave up on me she pushed me forward,always telling me to chase my dreams and that she knew i could do what i wanted.I always needed a push,i still do and i have plenty of insecurities and she had a finger on each making sure that they didnt get the better of me,she knew me better then anyone at that time.

She was for many years someone very important in my life and i always have felt bad that i just left and never went back or kept in touch,i tend to do that,call it moving on or not caring and being cold i dont know.Its just what i am like,its very easy for me to be without someone i love or care about,not talking to them or making the effort to,yet loving them and caring all the same.Its the Murad blood in me

I feel 10 years or more has been enough time and i should ring that bell next time i pass her house.

One of those days!

Alta — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 23:12:02 +0000

Am feeling crappy and down,have been all day even though i went out and tried to have a good laugh with the boys but left early as i just couldnt but just cant shake it off.There isnt much going on bar a few things and i dont think that its them thats getting to me.I dont know if its the nerves or i am just being me,all moody and grumpy.Well a few hours more and then ill just just sleep it off i guess.

Two months to go!

Alta — Mon, 31 May 2010 08:03:36 +0000

And all hell breaks lose? leading up to it over the next two months it just might!